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13 REASONS WHY - Netflix Series - Parents, please read about the series - the cons and pros
The TN Suicide Prevention Network provided the following information:
TSPN RESPONDS TO “13 REASONS WHY”Network Addresses School, Community Concerns Regarding Controversial Netflix Series
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — The Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network (TSPN) has fielded several inquiries from the public regarding Netflix’s popular series “13 Reasons Why,” based on the novel by Jay Asher. This show’s portrayal of death by suicide and the aftermath has aroused considerable controversy within the mental health community, especially those who work in the field of suicide prevention.
TSPN wishes to note that the portrayal of suicide in the mass media has been connected to increased incidents of suicide, especially if these portrayals are not accompanied by notices about available suicide prevention and/or mental health resources that viewers/readers can contact if they themselves are suicidal or severely depressed. This contagion effect has been documented as far back as the eighteenth century and confirmed by extensive research.
We believe that at the minimum, the series should include some reference to a suicide prevention/crisis intervention resource, such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-TALK (8255) or the Crisis Text Line (text “TN” to 741741). The “Beyond the Reasons” companion series Netflix released alongside “13 Reasons Why” offers such information, but viewers must wait until after the show to see it.
We also concur with other mental health experts that teenagers should not watch this show without a parent or guardian present. The show’s depictions of suicide, sexual assault, and bullying could prove triggering, and some people with a history of mental illness or trauma may need to avoid it entirely as a result. However, its handling of issues commonly faced by teens (bullying, gossip, sexual activity, etc.) offers an opportunity for eye-opening dialogue that will encourage young people to come to the adults in their lives with their problems and experiences.
We also recommend that both adults and teens watching the series familiarize themselves with the warning signs of suicide (listed at http://tspn.org/warning-signs) so they can get help for themselves and those around them as needed.
Other points that should be noted:
The experience the lead character, Hannah, had with her school counselor, is not typical. Most counselors and mental health professionals can provide help for life challenges and mental illness… and if the person you see first can’t or won’t help you, keep trying and keep talking until you find someone who can. Remember that hotlines like those listed above are options.
While the series portrays several characters as having contributed to Hannah’s death, in reality no one person can or should be blamed for a suicide. Mental illness is a factor in 90 percent of all suicides, and external factors usually cannot entirely explain why someone chooses to take his or her life. Many people experience bullying, assault, and other trauma without dying by suicide.
Hannah’s death may be the start of this story, but in real life, suicide is the end. There can only be a happy ending, or at least one you can work with, if you keep living. If you choose to die, you will not only miss out on those better days, but cause heartbreak, guilt, and psychological damage for everyone around you. Research shows that the average suicide affects 115 people—25 of whom will be affected deeply enough to require therapy or intervention.
While “13 Reasons Why” is far from an ideal portrayal of youth suicide, with the proper guidance it can serve as a tool for a deeper discussion about suicide, mental health, and other issues. We at TSPN would like to be a part of that dialogue and would like to offer any non-emergency resources and information the community needs.
TTY line: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)
For non-emergency information on suicide prevention, contact the Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network at (615) 297-1077 or [email protected].
THE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE HAS BOOKS ON SEVERAL TOPICS AVAILABLE FOR CHECKOUT
EffectiveChildTherapy.com is an educational website with the mission to inform the public and professionals about which child and adolescent mental health treatments have the strongest scientific support, and are most likely to work. This site is offered as a completely free service and is sponsored by the Society of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, a division of the American Psychological Association.
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry http://www.aacap.org/ — Assisting parents and families in understanding developmental, behavioral, emotional and mental disorders affecting children and adolescents.
Project CATCH-IT http://catchit-public.bsd.uchicago.edu/index.html — This site was developed with support from the NARSAD and Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, the Centers for Disease Control and National Institutes of Mental Health to evaluate how adolescents would respond to Internet based depression prevention.
TeenScreen Program, Columbia University http://www.teenscreen.org/ — The Columbia University TeenScreen Program is an adolescent mental health and suicide-screening initiative active in 40 states.
Ulifeline http://www.ulifeline.org/ — The Jed Foundation's web-based mental health resource providing college students with information, screening, answers to questions and direct access to their respective college's mental health center.
Rebecca's Dream: The Rebecca Lynn Cutler Legacy of Life Foundation http://www.rebeccasdream.org/—A charitable foundation working to educate the world about depression and bipolar disorder while reducing stigma, promoting awareness and complassionate understanding of depression and bipolar disorder as real diseases.
About Our Kids http://www.aboutourkids.org — The NYU Child Study Center offers science-based, research-driven psychiatric care to children and adolescents with learning, behavior and emotional disorders.
For students in middle and high schools, their parents, and school staff: The Science of Mental Illness, National Institute of Health, Grades 6-8, national. Visit BSCS for information: http://www.bscs.org/science-mental-illness
What Elementary Boys Need Most From Parents By Monica Swanson (edited version)
1. Teach him restraint:
One of the most important skills you can teach your son is to accept a “no” with a submissive and content heart. Sometimes it’s just “no” to a momentary want, and sometimes it is “no” to something that most of the other kids have, and you don’t believe they need. (cell phones, video games, etc.) When kids are allowed to have things that are more age-appropriate for teenagers, then they have very little to look forward to as teens. In turn, they grow into teenagers who think they need the “next thing,” and you can see the dangerous pattern here…There is a season for everything, and when they are young, we say no to a LOT.
2. Keep him close.
Not in a dysfunctional or self-serving way, but in a healthy family-first way. Time with friends is great, especially if they are good kids who will have a good influence on your child, but there is no better place for your kids to spend the majority of their time than with their own family. From a young age make the home a positive place, and when you are there, have fun and talk about everything. This forms a very natural mentorship which will mold and shape your son’s values and attitude for the rest of his life.
3. Help him choose good friends.
Help guide your son to choose the kinds of friends that he will spend time with. Too often, out of insecurity or shyness, a child will be drawn to the most accepting crowd. And we all know that sometimes the most accepting crowd is not a good one. Teach your son how to pick friends, and what a good friend is, and is not. Talk to him about their friends, and get to know his friends. Let him know that sometimes it takes patience to find a really good friend, and hanging out with mom and dad is not all bad either.
4. Help him develop interests/hobbies.
Some kids are naturally inquisitive and will want to learn everything about everything. They do sports, want to play a musical instrument (or three,) and could entertain themselves for hours studying insects, or building a lego universe. Other kids seem to find almost nothing interesting, and give a mere nod to the things the other kids find fascinating. (these kids might be most drawn to video games, etc.) I have found that if you continue to introduce your son to new things, something will eventually click. Don’t give up. Besides sports and musical instruments, my boys have hobbies that range from studying rocks and minerals, to birding, to graphic design. With the internet at your fingertips, kids have the whole universe to discover. Let them dive in. (with appropriate supervision/filters, of course.) Side note: Though I am not totally anti-video games, I do think that there ought to be serious limits, and having interests and hobbies can make this a lot easier!
5. Stretch him:
Boys need to be stretched. They need to overcome fears, accomplish goals, and yes…fall down and scratch some knees. (or in our case, break some bones.) This is also a great role for dad or another male figure to play in your boy’s life. I remember a time when my oldest was just getting into surfing, and as much as he loved it, he would confide in me that he was scared when he went surfing in some of the waves his dad was taking him to. After checking with my husband who assured me they were absolutely safe, and talking to a few friends who would give me objective advice, I decided not to intervene. I had to trust my husband, and believe that this “stretching” would develop my boy into a stronger man.
Encourage your boys to try things. To jump off high places. Let them fail. Let them try out for teams, and not get chosen. Let them tremble, and teach them how to handle their feelings when they are afraid.
6. Give him work:
Boys need to work. They need responsibilities, and accountability. They need to realize that they are depended on by the family for things that simply will not get done if they neglect to do them. At some point it is a good idea to offer them work that they will be paid for. This is how they will learn to manage money, and will also help them transition into their teen years realizing that an hour of their day could be wasted carelessly, or used to work and save for things that they really want If your boys grows up embracing a good work ethic, they will go into their teenage years with more self confidence, and greater usefulness wherever they are. My teenagers would never ever admit to being “bored” at home because they know that will only get them a new chore to do.
7. Teach and Model Communication:
Young boys can talk. A lot. And about all kinds of things–from ridiculous made up stories, to the cartoon they just watched, to whatever fleeting thought just went through their head–They want to share ALL OF THE THOUGHTS. It’s so easy to tune them out when they do this, but now and then stop, and really listen. Engage. Ask questions. Make it a habit now and they will trust you and be comfortable sharing with you as they grow up.
A good friend taught me to “Talk about issues before they are issues.“ Bring things up early on, and make it open for conversation. Then when they actually face it, it will be familiar territory. You might talk to them about expectations, prepare them for disappointments, and bring up change before they face the change. (It’s a lot easier to prepare them to be a teen when they are 11 than when they are 14. Open that communication door wide and it will likely stay open well into their teenage years and far beyon What a Teenage Boy Needs Most from his Mom - Monica Swanson 8/13/15, 2:08 PM
Dangerous Social Media Apps You May Not Know About by Kristin Peaks
7 dangerous Apps that parents need to know about
Yik Yak – This App is one of the newest and one of the most dangerous. It allows users to post text-only Yaks of up to 200 characters. The messages can be viewed by the 500 Yakkers who are closest to the person who wrote the Yak, as determined by GPS tracking. Users are exposed to – and contributing -sexually explicit content, abusive language and personal attacks so severe that schools are starting to block the App on their Wi-Fi. Although the posts are anonymous, kids start revealing personal information as they get more comfortable with other users.
SnapChat – This App allows users to send photos that will disappear after 10 seconds. Once the recipient opens the picture, the timer starts. Then it’s gone. From both the sender's phone and the recipient’s phone. However, the recipient can take a screen shot of the photo and have it to share with others. This App enables kids to feel more comfortable “sexting” with peers.
KiK Messenger – This is a private messenger app and is coveted by those under 18 for a number of reasons. The App allows kids to send private messages that their parents can’t see. There is very little you can do to verify the identity of someone on Kik, which obviously poses the risk of sexual predators chatting with your child. And again, this is an easy tool for sexting.
Poof –The Poof App allows users to make Apps disappear on their phone with one touch. Kids can hide every app they don’t want you to see on their phone. All they have to do is open the App and select the ones they don’t want you to see. Very scary! The good news about this App is it is no longer available, which isn't uncommon for these types of Apps. But, if it was downloaded before it was deleted from the App store, your child may still have it. Keep in mind that Apps like this are created and then terminated pretty quickly by Android and Apple stores, but there are similar ones being created constantly. Some other names include: Hidden Apps, App Lock and Hide It Pro.
Omegle – This App has been around since 2008, with video chat added in 2009. When you use Omegle you do not identify yourself through the service – chat participants are only identified as “You” and “Stranger”. You don't have to register for the App. However, you can connect Omegle to your Facebook account to find chat partners with similar interests. When choosing this feature, an Omegle Facebook App will receive your Facebook “likes” and try to match you with a stranger with similar likes. This is not okay for children. There is a high risk of sexual predators and you don’t want your kids giving out their personal information, much less even talking to strangers.
Whisper – This is a meeting App that encourages users to post secrets. You post anonymously, but it displays the area you are posting from. You can search for users posting within a mile from you. A quick look at the App and you can see that online relationships are forming constantly on this App, but you never know the person behind the computer or phone. One man in Washington was convicted of raping a 12-year-old girl he met on this App just last year.
Down – This application, which used to be called “Bang with Friends,” is connected to Facebook. Users can categorize their Facebook friends in one of two ways: they can indicate whether or not a friend is someone they'd like to hang with or someone they are "down" to hook up with. The slogan for the App: “The anonymous, simple, fun way to find friends who are down for the night.” If that alone doesn’t scare you, I don’t know what will!
I know it's overwhelming to keep up with your kids and their online habits. But just remember to check their phones often, and even more importantly have real life conversations with them. Discuss the dangers of the Apps and make sure they understand the need to keep personal information private.
Please note: You can turn location services, or GPS, off on cell phones by going in to the device settings. This will keep the Apps and photos from posting the exact location or whereabouts of the phone user. About the author Kristin Peaks is the Senior Digital & Social Media specialist at Cook Children’s.
Signs of Stress Memory loss, Trouble focusing, Forgetfulness, Short temper, Changes in eating patterns, Excessive worry, Low energy, Upset stomach, Tense muscles, Having trouble sleeping, Moody, Feeling overwhelmed, Procrastinating
ANXIETY RESOURCE BOOKS FOR TEENS Coping with Anxiety and Panic Attacks. Jordan Lee and Carolyn Simpson, Rosen Publishing Group, 1997 The Anxiety Workbook for Teens. Lisa M. Schab, Instant Help Publications, 2005
FOR YOUNGER CHILDREN Let's Talk about Feeling Nervous. Susan Kent, PowerKids Press, 2003 I Bet I Won’t Fret! Timothy A. Sisemore, Instant Help Publications, 2004
PARENT RESOURCES Your Child: Emotional, Behavioral, and Cognitive Development from Birth through Preadolescence. AACAP and David Pruitt, HarperCollins, 1998 Your Adolescent: Emotional, Behavioral, and Cognitive Development from Early Adolescence through the Teen Years. AACAP, HarperCollins, 1999 The Worried Child: Recognizing Anxiety in Children and Helping Them Heal.Paul Foxman, Ph.D., Hunter House Publishers, 2004 Tools & Techniques for Helping Children With Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Timothy A. Sisemore, Instant Help Publications, 2005 Anxiety Disorders in Children and Adolescents. (2d ed.). Tracy L. Morris and John S. March (Eds.), Guilford Press, 2004